ALL of us want to have adventures, but sometimes we struggle with the unspoken idea that we don’t entirely deserve them.
Seem silly? More people struggle with this than you might realize! There are a whole lot of reasons for this, and we’re going to devote an entire section on unpacking them really soon.
For now, let’s just acknowledge that “vulnerability” and “shame” can be stumbling blocks that get in the way of even starting to plot our adventures, and put them into a context that helps us find our way through.
We have all, at some point in our lives, experienced deep and profound shame. We are also likely to have caused it for someone else. This is not a kind part of human nature.
Today I found a teacher in an unlikely place. She is a person whose caricature has been allowed to stand in her place for 16 years. She became a pariah at the tender age of 22, and remains an almost universal allegory for the fall from grace. I am ashamed to admit that, like most of the public, I have been guilty of holding this young woman in a place of disdain for many years. I allowed the media circus to define both her truth and her value.
16 years later, Monica Lewinsky did something impossible: she stood up and became an advocate, and a voice of wisdom, about something that everyone of us has felt, witnessed and perpetuated.
You did it too, didn’t you? — flinched when I just said her name. I’m inviting you to invest the next 25 minutes to listen to something that will change the way you think not only about Monica Lewinsky, but about the internet, about assumptions, and about the responsibility we each bear to create safe spaces that don’t include shaming. Click on the tab to the right when you’re ready to listen to what Monica has to say.
This talk affected me in the same way that vulnerability researcher Brené Brown’s callings-out do, and I’d encourage you to take a few more minutes to listen to those too. You’ll find that I’ve shared them in a tab to the right as well.
I suspect every single one of us will find a take-away in these moments of wisdom, first, from Monica, and then from Brené. At a time when such big parts of our lives are lived online, openly, publicly, fragile-ly, taking the blinders off and thinking about the impact of that is a very good thing.
It can be very uncomfortable to let ourselves think about the situations and circumstances that created that feeling in our lives, but helpful if they are at the root of what’s stopping us from moving ahead.
If there is “unfinished business,” finish it if you can.
Then give yourself permission to let go of it, and move on.
Changing our self-view — and our inner dialogue — to embrace a sense of “worth” can be a very difficult thing. That’s at the core of asset-building. It’s an asset we want for ourselves, that we strive to nurture and protect, and that ironically can be the gatekeeper on our way to choosing adventures.
As Brené Brown says, you are enough, and we’re going to spend lots of time interacting at the digital kitchen table, and sharing our journeys together, so that you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt 😀